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5 Practices for Higher Apologetic Conversations

newjyizh by newjyizh
November 27, 2025
Reading Time: 13 mins read
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5 Practices for Higher Apologetic Conversations


I’ve what’s in my view a dream job. I’m a Christian apologist. I spend my days defending Christianity and arguing why it’s the greatest clarification for the way in which the world is.

However apologetics entails extra than simply defending a Christian worldview. It contains relaying these solutions in a manner individuals can hear and grasp. It’s about having conversations that matter with individuals who matter.

As 1 Peter 3:15 says, we’re to “sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, all the time being able to make a protection to everybody who asks you to present an account for the hope that’s in you, but with gentleness and reverence” (emphasis added). Generally we overlook the final 5 phrases. It’s simple to get caught up in debate and lose sight of the individual. I’m responsible of this.

So how will we keep away from this pitfall? Listed below are 5 practices that may assist us provide a protection for the Christian worldview in a way that’s mild however efficient.

Desk of contents

  1. Be current
  2. Pay attention intently
  3. Ask questions
  4. Be sincere
  5. Be gracious
    Conclusion

1. Be current

Multitasking is a delusion. In actual fact, latest research in neuroscience present our brains can’t truly do two issues without delay. What we name multitasking is solely switching between duties quickly—and there’s a value. Once we attempt to do a couple of factor at a time, our efficiency drops throughout the board.

The identical holds true for dialog. Divided consideration ruins a dialog. You may’t join nicely with somebody whereas concurrently attempting to do one thing else. You can’t really have interaction somebody whereas scrolling on Instagram, attending to your sensible watch, or studying the information headlines.

Jesus knew this and modeled what it seems wish to have undistracted, absolutely current conversations with individuals. Jesus’s interplay with the lady on the nicely in John 4:7–26 is an ideal instance. Weary and drained from touring, he sits and listens to the Samaritan girl regardless of cultural, ethnic, and gender boundaries. He’s undistracted.

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So take away something that may distract you from the dialog. That doubtless means placing your telephone in your pocket till the dialog is over. Higher but, think about leaving your telephone within the automobile. A radical concept, I do know! Strive it, and spot the way it modifications your expertise.

Eradicating distractions is simply half the battle. We additionally must be actively current within the second. This implies not excited about what’s occurred at work that day or what you’ve received to do tomorrow. Don’t be half within the dialog and half someplace else.

Christian apologists may be among the worst at this as a result of we’re usually excited about the following steps within the dialog. In spite of everything, Peter tells us to “all the time be prepared,” and prepared we’re! Nonetheless, in our zeal and preparedness, we overlook to be current.

Doing apologetics is greater than giving solutions to questions. Behind each query is a questioner. In an effort to be an efficient apologist, you need to be current with the questioner. So, be in that second, there, with that individual—and pay attention intently. This brings us to our second precept.

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2. Pay attention intently

The primary tip I can provide in direction of being an efficient apologist may shock you. It has little to do with providing a protection. It’s to pay attention and be genuinely within the different individual. This may sound easy, however real listening is uncommon.

Proverbs 18:13 says, “He who provides a solution earlier than he hears, it’s folly and disgrace on him.” Listening nicely is step one in apologetics. If you happen to don’t take heed to somebody, how will what their query is? Once you don’t pay attention, you may find yourself spending time answering questions they don’t even have. As apologists, we wish to pay attention rigorously first, then present a solution. It’s a idiot who rushes in with solutions earlier than understanding.

In 7 Habits of Extremely Efficient Individuals (Simon & Schuster, 1989), Steven Covey says, “Most of us don’t pay attention with the intent to know. We pay attention with the intent to answer.” Usually, we’d quite speak, so we don’t pay attention to one another. We begin to formulate a response as a substitute of listening to all of the individual has to say. This isn’t listening. That is formulating a response. Bear in mind, we’re attempting to have a worthwhile dialog, not show some extent.

Being an excellent apologist begins with listening. Jesus knew this. In John 3:1–21, Jesus was approached by Nicodemus and listened to every of his questions. After listening, Jesus addressed Nicodemus’s deepest considerations.

The individual with whom you’re speaking is made within the picture of God. That truth alone makes them worthy of our time and undivided consideration.

That can assist you pay attention higher, keep in mind that individuals are wonderful! The individual with whom you’re speaking is made within the picture of God. Take into consideration that. That truth alone makes them worthy of our time and undivided consideration. So enter each dialog desirous to study your dialog companion. As you pay attention, they may grow to be much less guarded and extra prepared to share with you.

Right here’s how I put together myself to pay attention nicely. Each morning after I get up, I provide a fast prayer. Nothing profound. (I’ve 4 younger children, so nothing prolonged, both!) It normally goes one thing like this:

Lord God thanks for at the present time you’ve made particular and distinctive. Thanks for utilizing me based on your grasp plan. Assist me stroll within the steps you’ve deliberate, and permit me to see individuals as you see them.

That final half is essential. I wish to see individuals as God sees them. Day by day, I remind myself every individual is made in God’s picture. This fact reframes my posture, particularly as I search to interact individuals in conversations. It helps me truly take heed to them—and listening is the place apologetics begins.

But listening usually raises questions, which is the third methodology in efficient apologetics.

3. Ask questions

Albert Einstein is credited for saying, “If I had an hour to resolve an issue, I’d spend fifty-five minutes excited about the issue and 5 minutes excited about options.” Equally, if an apologist has solely an hour with somebody, they need to spend the primary fifty-five minutes asking questions and discovering out what’s troubling their coronary heart and thoughts, and the final 5 minutes sharing the reality.

In your apologetics, you’ll wish to lead with questions. Why? Questions are well mannered and aid you collect details about what others imagine. They’re additionally a robust software to assist information dialog.

Jesus was always asking questions (Matt 6:27; 7:3–4; 16:13–15; Mark 3:4; 8:17, 29; Luke 6:46; 8:25; 9:25; John 1:38; 11:26; 18:34). Is that as a result of he didn’t know loads of issues? No! It’s as a result of he understood the rhetorical energy of utilizing questions as a way of speaking fact.

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In his e book Ways: A Sport Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions (HarperCollins, 2009), Greg Koukl teaches the artwork of asking questions. He calls it the Columbo tactic, after the 80s tv detective performed by Peter Falk. Koukl makes use of open-ended questions like, “Why do you imagine that?”; “How’d you come to that conclusion?”; and naturally, “What do you imply by that?” with the intention to steer conversations.

Open-ended questions aid you perceive what an individual thinks so that you don’t misunderstand or misrepresent their views. Nevertheless it additionally makes that individual really feel valued and heard. Questions may be disarming and sometimes assist deliver down an individual’s defensive partitions. Give it some thought: When somebody asks you a real query and waits so that you can reply, you’re feeling seen, heard, and revered.

However questions additionally assist your dialog companion take into consideration what they’re saying. Consequently, once they do reply, their response turns into far more attention-grabbing. Proverbs 20:5 says, “A plan within the coronary heart of a person is like deep water, however a person of understanding attracts it out.” That is what questions do. They assist draw out the needs of an individual’s coronary heart: what the individual believes and why they imagine it.

Take into account that whenever you ask questions, individuals usually gained’t have a solution. Individuals don’t all the time assume by the issues they are saying they imagine. That is very true dwelling in a world outlined by hashtags and memes. Asking questions can expose this.

For instance, I not too long ago attended a big march in Washington, DC. Marchers protested many points. Many had been holding indicators. Strolling by the ocean of individuals, I seen a younger man with an indication that stated, “Human Rights for All Individuals.”

“Can I ask you about your signal?” I requested.

He stated I may. I adopted up with, “What do you imply by ‘all individuals’?”

“I imply everybody,” he answered,

“Do you embody the pre-born in that, as nicely?” I requested. From there we had been in a position to think about his perspective.

However discover how I started, “May I ask you about your signal?” It’s a non-confrontational query. I’m merely being curious. I’m not launching into “debate-mode.” I’m merely beginning a dialog. From there, I transfer right into a extra strategic query. I’m testing this man’s viewpoint with a query. I’m not attacking him. I’m probing.

Bear in mind, you don’t must make your level instantly. Generally asking a easy query will help expose shallow or dishonest considering. Which ends up in our fourth level.

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4. Be sincere

It could appear apparent, however it’s value mentioning: Be sincere. Once you don’t know one thing, say so. It’s okay to not have all of the solutions.

In actual fact, saying, “I don’t know” may be one of the crucial highly effective issues you may say in a dialog. Once you admit you have no idea one thing, you present humility—and humility shines in an age dominated by gotcha movies, viral takedown clips, and snarky memes. Once you say, “That’s an excellent query. I don’t know the reply, however I’ll attempt to discover one,” you show a uncommon humility, authenticity, and honesty.

Years in the past, I talked with my atheist sister concerning the existence of the universe. I used to be a third-year graduate scholar and I’d simply completed studying William Lane Craig. I launched her to the Kalam cosmological argument. I used to be ready and appeared to have the ability to reply each objection she raised. Issues had been going nicely. Till a brand new face joined the dialog.

My sister requested if she may invite her buddy to hitch us. Since I used to be already doing so nicely, I didn’t have any objection. What’s yet another atheist within the combine? That is after I met Louie, who had a PhD from MIT. Louie began utilizing phrases I had by no means heard earlier than. Now he appeared to have all of the solutions.

As an alternative of pretending to know greater than I did, I stated, “Hey Louie, you clearly know extra about this matter than I do. Do you assume you might pause for a second whereas I get one thing to write down with? Then you may proceed to clarify what you imagine whereas I take notes. Afterward, possibly I can get again to you.”

I used to be simply sincere. I slowed the dialog down. I requested questions. I listened some extra. I took notes. Then after taking a while to course of what he had stated, I received again to Louie. In actual fact, Louie and I are nonetheless pals.

Discover what being sincere did. First, it received me out of the recent seat. As I began trailing within the dialog, I didn’t run. I simply slowed issues down and requested extra questions. Second, I received a free training. I realized from Louie. Third, I made a buddy and opened the strains to extra conversations.

If you happen to can’t bear in mind the main points of your argument, like names and dates, that’s okay. Most individuals aren’t actually eager about these particulars, anyway. They’re eager about you. They care about your ideas, your likes and dislikes, not what number of manuscript copies of Mark now we have from the second century. On the finish of the day, individuals could overlook the main points of the dialog, however they may bear in mind you and the way you made them really feel. So, simply be you.

The way you converse to somebody is likely to be simply as vital as what you say to them, which brings us to the fifth and ultimate methodology for doing apologetics nicely.

5. Be gracious

Far too usually, apologists reply to unbelievers (and typically fellow believers) in uncharitable methods, even harshly. In distinction, think about Paul’s phrases in Colossians 4:5–6 (emphasis added):

Conduct yourselves with knowledge towards outsiders, taking advantage of the chance. Let your speech all the time be with grace, as if seasoned with salt, in order that you’ll know the way it is best to reply to every individual.

I used to be speaking with my non-Christian mom one night time as a brand new believer. I not bear in mind the precise dialog, however I do bear in mind feeling like I used to be successful. Till my mother paused me mid-sentence and stated, “Jon, what you’re saying sounds proper, however the way in which you’re saying it’s terrible.” Ouch! I used to be saying true issues, however my tone and aggressive nature muted that fact. My mom couldn’t hear the reality by my lack of grace.

Grace doesn’t imply sacrificing fact. It means delivering fact with kindness, endurance, and respect.

Grace doesn’t imply sacrificing fact. It means delivering fact with kindness, endurance, and respect. Generally the way you say one thing is simply as vital as what you say. Once you depart love and style out of the dialog, all you’re left with is noise (1 Cor 13).

As Koukl says, the gospel is offensive sufficient, no want so as to add any offense to it. I couldn’t agree extra. You may have all the correct arguments, however with out grace your apologetics doubtless gained’t be efficient.

Conclusion

We stay in a world that trains us to be louder, to attain factors, and to win arguments. When Christians mannequin charitable dialog and dialogue, our apologetics will stand out as countercultural. Within the course of, we are going to achieve the chance to introduce others to the peace that comes with realizing Jesus.

So, right here’s your apologetic plan:

  1. Be current
  2. Pay attention intently
  3. Ask questions
  4. Be sincere
  5. Be gracious

Jonathan Noyes’s instructed assets for additional examine

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