The world of courting is totally different now. Bethany is 23, having simply graduated from school, and is trying to the longer term, when she’s going to safe an actual job, get married, and begin her circle of relatives. Nevertheless, the journey to reaching these objectives has many challenges and uncertainties.
Courting will be difficult and courting as a believer presents extra challenges. It typically feels just like the world has reworked in a manner that places you in conditions that battle with the teachings of God’s phrase. Nonetheless, the Bible is obvious: marriage is a sacred vow between one man and one girl, and all of it begins with courting.
Listed below are twelve purple flags for a brand new relationship, sensible recommendation, and tricks to bear in mind.
1. Pink flag: They press or rush you right into a relationship.
Sensible recommendation: Give it time and stick along with your convictions.
It’s simpler for somebody to deceive you in case you are rushed right into a relationship. The longer the connection takes to get began, the better it’s to see by deception and reveal the precise individual and their character. Stick along with your convictions about purity and don’t permit your self to be pressured.
1 Corinthians 6:18: Flee from sexual immorality. All different sins an individual commits are exterior the physique, however whoever sins sexually sins in opposition to their very own physique.
2. Pink flag: They don’t appear to have or are secretive about plans for the longer term.
Sensible recommendation: Discuss overtly about what you need sooner or later.
As you date and get married, keep in mind that you’ll develop into one in spirit with the identical objectives and focus. There shall be no surprises should you start studying about this earlier than marriage.
Philippians 2:2 – Then make my pleasure full by being like-minded, having the identical love, being one in spirit and of 1 thoughts.
3. Pink flag: The individual’s persona modifications relying on their group.
Sensible recommendation: Create alternatives to see the courting accomplice in several settings with totally different teams of individuals.
Typically, a unique persona emerges in varied settings and when interacting with others. If she or he is with ‘the boys’ or ‘the ladies’, they could change to slot in – treating you in another way. Being round totally different teams will give perception into this doable private/behavioral change.
James 1:8 – A double-minded man is unstable in all his methods.
4. Pink flag: They by no means wish to focus on extra critical matters.
Sensible Recommendation: Carry up alternatives to debate the new matters.
There are sizzling matters that usually come up in arguments between married {couples}. Cash, purchasing habits, time administration, youngsters, chores, sustaining a clear house, pets, religion, church attendance, church companies, intimacy, well being, psychological well being, the place you wish to dwell, and communication type/battle decision are only a few of these extra critical matters. Discussing your perspective on these points earlier than coming into a extra critical relationship is crucial.
Ephesians 4:25 – Subsequently, every of you have to postpone falsehood and converse in truth to your neighbor, for we’re all members of 1 physique.
5. Pink flag: In the event that they don’t appear interested by attending church or non secular issues.
Sensible Recommendation: Pray collectively and do a Bible examine as a pair.
Don’t simply give in to the temptation of doing all of the praying; as a substitute, permit your courting accomplice to hope and contribute to a Bible examine. This manner, you’ll be able to see one another’s views of God and non secular issues. It’s straightforward for somebody who will not be spiritually to be an inactive observer fairly than an lively participant, which might be a purple flag about their stroll with God.
2 Corinthians 6:14-16 – Don’t be yoked along with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in widespread? Or what fellowship can gentle have with darkness?”. This encourages relationships with believers.
6. Pink flag: They don’t appear compassionate towards others, particularly towards those that are much less lucky than they’re.
Sensible Recommendation: Serve collectively.
Serving collectively gives a deeper understanding of the opposite individual’s stage of empathy and compassion. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or at a church occasion. Being on the giving finish, fairly than the receiving finish, of consideration and help provides you good perception into the motives of the opposite individual.
1 Corinthians 13:4 – Love is affected person, love is type. It doesn’t envy, it doesn’t boast, it isn’t proud.
7. Pink flag: You discover a risky habits change when they’re annoyed.
Sensible Recommendation: Do one thing irritating collectively.
Do a DIY mission, put collectively furnishings, prepare dinner dinner, and even repair one thing damaged collectively – one thing that could be irritating. This manner, you perceive how the opposite individual offers with battle.
James 1:9 – Let each individual be fast to listen to, gradual to talk, gradual to anger.
8. Pink flag: They by no means discuss or introduce you to their households.
Sensible Recommendation: Make alternatives to do issues with one another’s households.
In-laws, points can wreck a marriage. As you date, make dinner dates, create sport nights, or cookout occasions that may permit every of you to go to with the households of your courting accomplice. This interplay will reveal how the opposite individual treats their household and the way their household will work together with you. The best way an individual grew up influences the individual they develop into.
I John 1:7 – But when we stroll within the gentle, as He’s within the gentle, we’ve fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin.
9. Pink flag: You end up altering to satisfy the opposite individual’s wants.
Sensible Recommendation: Be truthful – dwell in truth.
Don’t change the reality of who you might be to suit what the opposite individual desires. Allow them to see you with out being dolled up – with the messy hair, no make-up, and outdated work garments. Don’t placed on the entrance which you could’t proceed. Enable your courting accomplice to see your inside magnificence, fairly than simply your outward look.
I Peter 3:3-4 – Your magnificence mustn’t come from outward adornment, corresponding to elaborate hairstyles and sporting gold jewellery or advantageous garments. As a substitute, it ought to be that of your inside self, the unfading great thing about a delicate and quiet spirit, which is of nice price in God’s sight.
10. Pink flag: They wish to management your each transfer.
Sensible Recommendation: Set up clear boundaries and talk them confidently.
Spend time away from the individual and take the connection slowly. God has given you an identification exterior of any relationship, and nobody however God ought to have management over your life. Set up clear boundaries relating to how you employ your money and time, your choices, and the folks you affiliate with. The necessity to management will start within the courting relationship – be watchful.
Galatians 5:1 – It’s for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand agency, then, and don’t let yourselves be burdened once more by a yoke of slavery.
11. Pink flag: They solely wish to discuss themselves and don’t appear interested by you or your life.
Sensible Recommendation: Be conscious and conscious.
Don’t fall into the lure of permitting the connection to be one-sided. Be conscious if every part begins to revolve round one individual – all communication, all choices, all celebrations, and all problem-solving. The main focus ought to be on each people, with equal significance given to every one. Be truthful and assured in advocating for your self.
Philippians 2:3-4 – Do nothing out of egocentric ambition or useless conceit. As a substitute, in humility worth others above yourselves, not trying to your individual pursuits however every of you to the pursuits of the others.
12. Pink flag: They at all times appear to be out of cash and wish you to pay for every part.
Sensible Recommendation: Set up clear boundaries and guidelines round using cash.
Measuring an individual’s coronary heart by how they use their cash is straightforward. If generosity is proven, it’s simpler to consider that their coronary heart is compassionate and honoring to God’s scripture and never crammed with greed and selfishness. Have that difficult dialog and set up clear guidelines about who can pay for what and when.
Proverbs 3:9 – Honor the Lord along with your wealth and the primary fruits of all of your produce.
Genesis 2:24 tells us that: a person shall depart his father and his mom and maintain quick to his spouse, they usually shall develop into one flesh. Keep in mind, don’t permit your self or your requirements to be modified to suit one other individual’s wants. God has ordered your steps and the folks you’ll work together with and be part of, so spend quiet devotion and prayer to hunt His will to your life.
Photograph Credit score: ©Getty Photographs/Morsa Photographs
Initially printed October 22, 2025.
